For most of my life, it has taken me a very long time to fall asleep. Can’t turn that brain off, can’t calm the anxiety, can’t stop tossing and turning.
Which is also ironic, because apparently as a baby I slept so much I often asked my mom if it was time for my nap yet.
During an acute period of mental illness, I struggled with severe insomnia- up for days on end, manic or depressed, coming alive to wash my dishes and do schoolwork that during the daylight hours I could hardly contemplate doing.
Now- now is not like that insomnia… but it still remains a challenge to fall asleep. Friday night, tonight (last night?) I was exhausted. Couldn’t keep my eyes open and went to bed at 8:30. I woke up around midnight when my loud roommate came in. I’ve been up since, tossing, turning, can’t calm down and shut my brain off.
Thing was, it was a great day at work- and I feel like my brain is busy going in too many directions and thoughts and ideas. I’m not awake because I’m anxious or depressed. I’m awake because… I’m awake.
- As above–the great day at work
- I didn’t eat a lot for dinner and am hungry, though I did just get up to eat a snack
- I’ve been watching TV reruns to put me to sleep– it helps take my brain off my brain to listen, but I know the light and noise is counter to a sleep aide
- My cat is nocturnal and I love him too much to not let him in my room/in my bed/on my face at night
I know how sensitive I am to sleep– sleep deprivation or any minor change in my circadian rhythms can really mess me up– I’ll be exhausted, cranky, negative, tearful, anxious, and miss details at work. I’ll forget things and get headaches and feel nauseous.
Sleep is a huge part of overall wellness for me… and I’m struggling right now because I’m awake.
I must prioritize sleep hygiene more than I am currently doing.