Trust, gratitude, inspiration, and faith

I picked up Brene Brown’s Gifts of Imperfection from the library on Saturday morning and I’m almost done with it. It’s a fairly quick, easy read– and so much emotional pithiness.  She shares a Friday blogging routine she calls TGIF = a weekly post about what she’s Trusting, what she’s Grateful for, what she’s Inspired by, and how she’s practicing her Faith.

It’s not Friday, of course, it’s Sunday evening and I’m trying to accept the imminent reality of Monday and going back to my job… but I thought I’d try out a TGIF post. Because, you know, NOW is always the time to be grateful and present:

What I am Trusting:

I am choosing to trust my gut. I have a pretty good gut and a strong intuition when I let myself tap into them. This means about people I’ve dated, coworkers, situations… I usually have a good sense of how I feel about any given situation, though I do need a lot of stillness within to listen to what my intuition says. I am trusting my gut these days and I consider these little victories.

I trust that I will not relapse. I trust that I will do anything and everything in my power to not have an eating disorder relapse. I think this need sometimes overrides “common sense” or logical reasoning, but I trust that I will prevent myself from relapse at all costs.

I trust my therapist. I’ve seen her only 4-5 times, but see trust paragraph #1. Also, related to trust paragraph #2, I did what I needed to do to move forward with some much-needed therapy in my life right now. I am also trusting the therapy process. I am trusting that I am exactly where I need to be right now so that I fully engage in this digging deep, healing work.

I’m trusting my body. I’m training for a half marathon currently and have not put this much strain on my body, physically, in years. I’m trusting that we are a team this time around- me and my body- and I am so, so, so looking forward to my rest day tomorrow. I need it.

What I am Grateful for:

This list is huge. I am grateful for a full-time job with excellent benefits. I am grateful for incredibly supportive parents and I am grateful that they are moving into a new phase of their marriage now that their adult children live in a different city. I am grateful that my brother and I live in the same city. I am grateful that most of my family is fairly close by. I am grateful for independence. I am grateful for the places I’ve been, the people I’ve met, and the many lessons I’ve learned from everyone and everything. I’m grateful that I am opening my mind up to learning from everything and I am grateful that a “growth mindset” is something I am aware of now, and that it is something I am trying to actively maintain.

I am grateful for some very good friends over the course of my life and I am very grateful to the wonderful woman I consider my best friend these days. I am grateful for a strong, physically healthy body and I am grateful for my mental health. I could not be able and willing to engage in the level of therapy that I am right now if I were not stable. I am grateful for books and learning. I am grateful for having several passions and I am grateful that I am young and have time to create and sustain meaningful work in the future, as well as find the small moments in my work currently for joy and creativity and meaning.

I am grateful for tissues, lozenges, Vitamin C, and Ibuprofen, too, because I have a full-fledged cold and menstrual cramps today. Which, of course, makes me grateful that I am physically healthy enough to menstruate.

What is Inspiring me:

I follow a friend’s blog and she is inspiring me to write more here. I’m not sure if she knows that she’s inspiring me, or that I read her blog, but she does, and I do.

I have a friend from college who had a really awful year last year, which included getting fired and some not-so-great relationships. She’s making the best of it right now, and doing well– she inspires me to get through this weird patch of my life- because nothing lasts forever– good times and bad times. Plus, I can still be inner-peaceful during a “bad” period, because it’s only “bad” if I label it so.

I recently re-read Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp, which inspired me. She discusses the interwoven chaos of anorexia and alcoholism and the necessity of recovery and serenity. The book inspired me and greatly helped me last week to resume taking it One Day At A Time… which helps, surprising enough. Baby steps.

(Side note- this part was much harder to answer than the previous two; I acknowledge that I’m not feeling overly inspired right now, and that’s okay.)

How I’m Practicing my Faith:

I went to a spiritual pot-luck Shabbat last Friday night. I had had a rough week, and there was a social gathering at a bar I felt like I “should” go to. I wanted to go home and hide because I was feeling exhausted and ashamed of myself — the combination which often leads me to isolate. I wanted to go to Shabbat and I wanted to go to the party and the strongest urge was to crawl home and hide in bed. I chose Shabbat and it filled up my soul in a way I needed. I do wish I had gone to the party, too, but I chose Shabbat and I hope to go back soon.

I’m taking time off of work for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. From the years where I have not taken off, not observed my holidays, I have learned that I must honor myself and honor my holidays. It’s important to me. The struggle to be Jewish and American and secular is challenging, and it may never not be challenging… but I am choosing to prioritize my faith in this way.

My faith is also about being in nature, soaking in sunlight, and spending as much time outside as possible. For the first time in many years, I think I spent as much time outside this summer as I possibly could. Daylight brings me such pure joy. The blue skies lately have been magnificent.

I am also practicing my faith in myself. I am empowered by moving forward with therapy and it is an empowered, conscious decision- plus very intentional wording that I am “moving forward” with therapy and not “going back” to therapy. See the difference? I do.

——————

Anyway, so this is my TGIF post for this Sunday. A good practice. Thanks, Brene.

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