Connection. I am becoming more and more convinced that it is all about meaningful connections in our lives. Today was an okay day- kind of blah for no real reason- and in the evening I realized I was feeling some anger and in the midst of trying to healthfully feel the anger, my doorbell rang.
My doorbell is a really loud buzzer and it usually startles the hell out of me. I also usually ignore it. I’ve been trying to not ignore it for about the last 6 months because I recognize that the doorbell ringing is a great opportunity to practice being an adult and answering the door and seeing who or what may be on the other side. It’s usually UPS or a neighbor who forgot her keys.
Today, it was a wonderful friend from college who happened to be in the area and wanted to stop by my apartment just on the chance that I was home and she could hug me.
It completely turned my day around. I love this woman- and she reminds me that wherever we all go on our journeys, if the connection is meaningful it can always be there. We are a part of each other.
I know I still need to deal with that earlier anger, but right now I am just overwhelmed with joy.
With that in mind, I wanted to write a quick Brene Brown-style TGIF post:
What I’m Trusting:
I am trusting the process. I am trusting that things like feeling emotions (learning to feel emotions) takes a long time and I am trusting that I am giving myself the space I need to do so and the environment I need to do so. I am trusting that good friends are good friends and I can be myself- my Real Self with them and it will be okay. I am trusting my body, which is healing from a slight running injury. I am trusting that mistakes- big and small- are a necessary part of life and the important thing is to learn from them, not pretend they never happened.
What I am Grateful for:
Tonight in particular I am so grateful to this friend and am touched that she stopped by just because she was in the area. I am grateful that I have plenty of time. I am grateful for my job with excellent benefits and pretty darn good coworkers and an easy– albeit hour-long– commute. I am grateful that I have lots of things to read on the train every day and that I love to read. I am grateful to my parents for instilling in me a true love of learning and love of books. I am grateful for leftovers for dinner so that it can be easy to make a good meal when I come home tired and grumpy. I am grateful to be alive. I am grateful my parents, brother, and most of my grandparents, aunts/uncles/cousins are alive too. I am a lucky woman.
What’s Inspiring Me:
The knowledge that I want to go to graduate school in the next two years is a huge inspiration to remain committed, Now, to “be here now” and feel my feelings and enjoy the low-stress of my current day-to-day. I am inspired by others who I know are Breaking The Cycle in their own ways. I am inspired by people who have had so much loss and they live their lives with so much strength and love. I am inspired by the sheer beauty of the leaves outside and the colors of fall to enjoy every moment of the world outside.
How I am Practicing my Faith:
I am believing that being Jewish means not turning away from the pain and I am trying to find small ways to include Judaism in my daily life, like reading the Shiva poems as a comfort. I want to build a sukkah. I’m not sure if it will happen this year, but I also know that nature and the outside and colors are all part of my faith- I believe in the world. I am practicing my faith by being outside as much as possible.
It is all about connection and compassion and the courage to be authentic.