There is nothing wrong with you, friend. You are not broken, you are not a failure, a fuckup, a mistake. There is nothing inherently wrong with you. You do not destroy every life you come in contact with. You are not broken and nothing is wrong with you.
I know, I know. Some days it feels like it though, right? Some days you’re flailing and worrying and taking life so seriously and you’re swimming in the pits. Waves of fear, anxiety around social ineptitude, and perfectionism crash over you. Waves and waves and waves. Some days it feels like you’re broken, I get that. And you feel alone in a crowd and rush to escape only to realize you can’t escape you. Some days the waves keep coming.
Here’s a thing I know about you, friend: You soak up everything. Every detail, every nuance, every vibe of emotional energy– whether it is your own emotion or someone else’s– you soak it up and that gets heavy. It feels heavy sometimes and when it feels heavy, surfing the waves is a lot harder.
Today was one of those days, wasn’t it? I can tell by the look on your face that the thoughts are spiraling in your head. Your ruminating, analytical brain is haywiring again. It’s been hard for you to focus lately; you’ve felt frazzled and disorganized. You’re doing your best to stay calm and I can see that.
There’s nothing wrong with you, friend. You’re clinging tenaciously to the faults of the day, the seriousness of it all– and I want you to know it’s okay to let go. It’s okay to tread lightly– to mean well, believe in what you do and who you are– and to let go at the end of the day of what no longer serves you. The pernicious memories try to persist– that’s who you are, again, you have an excellent memory and sometimes that makes it hard to let go of the details. But it’s okay to let go.
Dear friend, let go of what no longer serves you.